Whilst the following tips are mainly focused at longer term partners, many of them can still be used by new couples too. Many spouses go through sexual “dry spells” on occasion. Other couples experience an imbalance as to libidos at times. These issues are definitely reasons that you may need to discuss the topic of how to improve your sex life with your spouse. While it may not be easy to do and must be conducted with some finesse, it is possible to figure out the best way to broach the subject so that the two of you can have a calm and productive discussion. Following are 10 tips for bringing up the subject with your partner:
- Timing: The first thing you must consider in approaching this very sensitive topic is timing. Never, ever begin this discussion either just after sex or just before it. If you try to talk about it after sex, that will have ruined the entire experience and will leave a bad taste in both of your mouths. Approaching the topic before sex will insure that it doesn’t happen that night.
- Plan a time to talk: While spontaneity may be good for some things, a chat about this topic should be planned. You don’t have to say what you want to discuss, but delivering a heads up that you want to chat to your spouse will provide a chance to prepare for the event. Blindsiding your spouse just may cause defensiveness and this won’t be a successful conversation at all.
- Looking at the past: Sometimes a great way to start this conversation is to remind your spouse of how the two of you used to kiss for hours or how you couldn’t seem to keep your hands off of each other. Pleasant memories sets the stage for a good talk that might reignite some special fires.
- Leave reading material in open view: As there have been a lot of books written on the topic of improving your sex life, you may want to deliver some hints by leaving some of these books around in the bedroom. It would be great if your spouse acted on his or her curiosity and asked you about the books. That provides the perfect opening for negotiating a sex agreement.
- Ask questions: If you can avoid making “I” statements and ask questions instead, it may cause your spouse to open up to you about things that are troubling to him or her regarding your sex life. This is the best way to find those things out and you may even realize that you have common ground in some areas.
- Be honest: While this may seem to be common sense for most people, it bears repeating. If you’re going to bring up at topic like this, the least you can do is respect your spouse by being honest. Just do it in a respectful way and you may be able to gain the same honesty and respect in return.
- Plan a getaway: Sometimes things just get routine between couples and they forget how to have fun in the bedroom. Plan a romantic getaway for only the two of you. If this doesn’t put your spouse in the mood, use it as your excuse to bring up the topic of improving your sex life.
- Use your body language: Sometimes you don’t have to say a word. Your body language can silently speak volumes to your spouse. If you’re lucky, you won’t have to be the one that starts the conversation. Your spouse may ask you what’s wrong and you can then answer.
- Watch a sexy and romantic movie together: Use certain romantic and sexy scenes in the movie to comment on how that used to be the two of you and how much you miss that connection. Your spouse may pick up on those comments and want to explore them.
- It’s not a one time talk: Once you’ve actually had the discussion with your spouse and are on the road to improving your sex life, set a future date to talk again about how things are going. In doing so, you don’t have to bring it up on your own again.
When you’re planning to talk with your spouse about improving your sex life, you will want to consider what you know about him or her. Use that knowledge to add to any of these suggestions presented here.