When you hear of ‘casual sex’ you automatically think of an arrangement which is based purely on physical sexual interaction. In today’s busy world, this is what many people have come to rely on for sexual intimacy but we all know relationships (whether casual or committed) aren’t that simple.
Unless you both are just in it for the sex and nothing else, it’s impossible to know from the start where your connection will lead. Your partner may just be interested in the physical benefits whilst you are looking for a little more. Or you both have no idea where you stand. How do you define and unite on these issues let alone bring them up? Well, one thing is for sure, you definitely need to have the conversation.
It doesn’t need to be nagging like “where is this relationship going” (men hate these sorts of questions), it should be more like “hmmm, what do we both want out of this”. You need to establish very early on whether it’s just about the sex or if you are both open to exploring the possibility of ‘more’. Just like in 50 Shades of Grey, Christian presented Anna with a Dominant/submissive contract but Anna told him she wants more. They agreed that they would both try in each of these respects (obeying the contract and aiming towards ‘more’).
So, we figured what you can do is start with a basic arrangement which combines sex with dating and put this to your ‘friend’. You can say something along the lines “I thought it might be fun if we negotiate a sex agreement”. Our casual sex & dating agreement offers something in between casual sex and pre-relationship dating. You can instigate by going through the possible sexual activities you are prepared to do together. That ought to loosen the mood a little. Then you can casually move the clauses about being exclusive and going on dates. The best thing is that it’s light hearted and doesn’t scream “I want a commitment”. If they aren’t interested in these things, this is a way to find out quickly.
After all this, you might be wondering whether such an arrangement can even lead to a relationship. Of course it can. If mere casual sex can develop into a long term committed bond, then why couldn’t this? Couples who started out as “friends with benefits” simply did it backwards. They got to know each other in the bedroom first and then outside of it. Of course not all relationships end up this way, some just end and some may end badly.
Combining the two at the same time (sex & dating) enables you to get to know each other in and out of the bedroom at the same time. Plus you both know that the other may be interested in pursuing it further. The important aspect is, once you start to develop feelings you need to tell the other person and don’t waste your time about it. If they don’t feel the same way after trying this arrangement, you need to be prepared to move on and find someone who can offer you that ‘more’. Just be honest with yourself and with your ‘friend’. Never procrastinate on having that talk because you’ll only end up hurting in the long run.
If your feelings are reciprocated, then that’s a bonus! Your ‘casual sex’ can come to end and you can focus on being with each other on a new level. You’ve essentially established a faithful relationship in a really fun way and made it meaningful at the same time. Whatever turn your agreement takes, make sure you have fun along the way and don’t take things too seriously at the outset.